I’m not sure I understand the competition to come up with the next best fried thing, and I’m not here to judge (I’m responsible for my extra poundage – no one else), but every year, when the State Fair of Texas announces its list of fried food finalists, my ears perk up. I am excited to know what’s being tossed into the vat next.

"Corny" dogs, like these shown during an eating contest, make a regular appearance on State Fair of Texas concession menus. (Photo courtesy State Fair of Texas)

They never disappoint, at least not in terms of generating a buzz. So in case you didn’t get the memo, let me share the menu.

This year, you’ll get ID’d if you order items like Deep-Fried Frozen Margarita or Fried Beer. Like the Fried Coke or Fried Butter before them, that just seems to defy some scientific law, but I’ll admit I’m ready for the lines to open up for a frozen margarita. While waiting in line, I’ll ponder the difference between “fried” and “deep-fried.”

The Deep-Fried Frozen Margarita is born of the goodness of two things – margarita ingredients and funnel cake batter. They are mixed together, fried, dusted with a lemon-lime mixture and served in a salt-rimmed glass. While probably not as refreshing as the real thing, it sounds pretty good to me.

The Fried Beer is a beer-filled pretzel pocket. I’m not a fan of beer, so someone else will have to vouch for this later. I hear the beer really does pour out when you take a bite.

Again, don’t forget your ID. You will get carded for these – even though, I’m pretty sure the alcohol disappears somewhere in the frying process.

As a bona fide lemon addict, I’ll need to order the Fried Lemonade, a baked lemon-flavored pastry that is then fried and glazed with a mix of lemonade, powdered sugar and lemon zest. I’ll probably seek out fresh lemonade to wash this down with, and be in citrus heaven.

For chocolate lovers, there is, of course, Fried Chocolate, a white chocolate candy bar and a cherry are stuffed inside a brownie, dipped in chocolate cake batter, deep fried and topped off with powdered sugar, a cherry sauce and chocolate whipped cream. I might have called it Fried Cherry Cordial, but alas, once again they did not call for my opinion. *insert audible gasp here* Just kidding. Well see, though, if that shows up on the menu next year. Remember, you heard it here first! Ha! Oh boy, do I have all kinds of GREAT ideas for next year!

There also is the Deep-Fried S’mores Pop Tart, which is pretty self-explanatory. A s’mores flavored Pop Tart is battered, fried and then topped with chocolate sauce and whipped cream. I’d like to put this to the test with my friend Kate who lights up her fire pit at home as often as she can to feed her s’mores cravings.

For something more savory, traditional and Texan, they’re promising Texas Fried Frito Pie. Not sure how, but they are apparently able to hold together the chili, cheese and Fritos long enough to fry it. It’s a mystery to me, but the item made it as a finalist, so it can be done. Amazing what a little human will and ingenuity can achieve. Speaking of: Look for Texas Fried Caviar –– fried and seasoned black-eyed peas. Whodathunkit? Someone thought of it.

And finally, for you health nuts … oh, wait … nevermind. This salad is fried, too. Fernie’s Fried Club Salad is a spinach wrap stuffed with the goodness of diced ham, chicken, shredded lettuce, carrots, tomatoes, cheese and bacon. Sounds good, but wait, I’m not finished. It’s fried, topped with deep-fried sour dough croutons on a stick and then served on a bed of lettuce. Well, at least you can still say you had the “salad,” if anyone asks.

So there you have it. Don’t try them all in one sitting, or it’ll be “groan” appétit instead of bon appétit. Pace yourself. You’ll have 20-something days to get it all in. The State Fair of Texas runs from Sept. 24-Oct. 17.

The January issue of Texas Highways includes a feature about the oddball attractions of sophisticated Houston. As a native Houstonian, I enjoy recalling those quirky sites. Of course, I’m living in Austin now, where, luckily, there’s no dearth of “quirky” here.

Still, the Houston feature brought to mind a particularly oddball moment, in relation to one of the noted attractions – sculptor David Adickes’ Sculpturworx Studios.

Adickes is known for the giant Sam Houston sculpture in Huntsville and other creations like “The Virtuoso” sculpture in front of the Lyric Centre building in Houston’s Theater District. It wasn’t until I had an office in the Lyric Centre that I realized there’s actual music coming from “The Virtuoso.” It’s impressive, but I digress.

One year, I was invited to a party called The Big Head Ball, hosted by Adickes. I didn’t know if I should expect huge egos, but the buzz was that it would be a blast … and it was.

On my way into the party, held at his Sculpturworx Studio, there was a woman outside, doing a balancing act atop a white horse. She was dressed in a green,  grass suit and hat, welcoming guests and looking like a Magritte painting in action. I knew I was in for a fun evening.

The studio, nestled in an unassuming and drab section of warehouses, was a large space lined, along the walls and in random spaces, with the big head sculptures in various stages of completion – all still much taller than me. I was fascinated to see the progressive stages of Adickes’ works – especially since his looming Sam Houston statue was an integral part of the Texas landscape for me. It was a key landmark in my family’s travels as I was growing up. Isn’t it for everyone who drives that way?

The setting itself was surreal. Now, on to the guests!

This Big Head Ball turned out to be an opportunity for guests to don whatever whacky or big head they could. I saw huge hats, masquerade masks, scary and funny heads, even Jack-in-the-Box “CEO” Jack. So much creativity played out in those above-the-shoulders costumes. The tables were decorated with skulls and assorted representations of heads. The woman in the grass suit, now inside, doled out performance art for us––running in place, flailing arms and moving along with her projected video prop––all to the sounds of Laurie Anderson. Again, I thought of Magritte.

The rest of the details from that evening have since faded, and I don’t know if Adickes does that party still, but it was certainly an experience, and one of my favorite odd nights in Houston.

Even though his studio isn’t open to the public, it’s still worth it to drive by and take a gander at those giant heads. The next time I do,  I can say, “I partied with those guys, once.”

Since I moved from Houston – and an office smack dab in the middle of the city’s incredible Theater District – I have to admit that I’ve been woefully neglectful of taking in as much live theater. I mean to, and I do miss going as often as I did. Lately, I’ve been getting back into the swing of things. I’ve seen a couple of touring musicals (“Wicked” and “Mama Mia”), enjoyed readings by the legendary Maya Angelou and the hilarious writer David Sedaris, as well as some local performances.

I forget, until I’m there, how important and good it feels to witness the art of live performance … of people entertaining people … sharing and communicating in music, dance, words, comedy and movement. This kind of creative expression, I believe, is inherent to our humanity. There’s nothing like it. The best thing is, no matter where you are –– big city or small town –– there are plenty of opportunities to take in a show.

It would do us good to get back to being better audiences –– in major performance halls, restored historic theaters, community halls and in wide open spaces under the great Texas sky.

So when you travel, or stay home, consider live performances as one of the options when asking, “So, what should we do today?”

What performance/venue would you suggest for your neck of the woods?

Every once in a blue moon, I lament the fact that I never went to summer camp as a kid (Vacation Bible School doesn’t count, but thank you, Jesus.). I did the outdoorsy thing for years with my Bluebird/Camp Fire Girls, but I later grew up to realize that the “big forest” – where we learned to pitch a tent, make fire and turn a coffee can into a stove – was really Bay Area Park in Clear Lake area of Houston. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a lovely, wooded park next to Armand Bayou and I’ve canoed from there as an adult, but it’s not the wilderness. Maybe Hollywood images of summer camp (Friday the 13th aside!) makes me feel like I missed out on some real fun. It’s too late for me now (or is it?), but I want to live it out vicariously through our readers. Maybe I’ll get it out of my system. What is summer camp REALLY like? What kind of summer camps have you experienced? What are some of the top choices in Texas where you might consider sending your own children? I’d love to know.